Films · Humour


by Akumbu Uche

So, I have just watched the new James Bond movie, starring Daniel Craig, Judi Dench, Ralph Fiennes, Naomie Harris, Berenice Marlohe and Albert Finney and let me just say it is a great movie. I loved it so much that I put together a little something to persuade everyone to go see it ASAP.

So, here are 15 reasons why Skyfall is a must-see:

  • Bond’s body: even when he’s unfit, he’s still in great shape
  • Car chases, motorcycle races, rooftop leaps, train dodging, drowning, explosions, oh my! Nobody does Bourne like Bond
  • What other movie has an eponymous theme song specially written and performed by Adele?
  • Locations, locations: The beauty of London, Shanghai, Macau, Turkey and the Scottish countryside, like you’ve never seen it
  • Steamy shower scenes (even though someone forgot to budget for soap and sponges)
  • Shark and jellyfish tanks are so old school; nothing says danger like a Komodo dragon pit
  • Characters that analyze art and quote poetry – in case you’re wondering, it is a Sam Mendes film
  • Because the best hairstylists work for Her Majesty’s Secret Service
  • Parkour and mixed martial arts sequences are on the way out; yoga asanas are in
  • Witty, charming, fast thinking and a great shot too – Naomie Harris is not just the best Bond girl ever, she should be the next 007
  • Berenice Marlohe: gotta respect anybody who can walk on rocks in five-inch heels while handcuffed
  • Cool Britannia
  • There’s a reason why this movie is called Skyfall – the best scenes happen after sunset
  • Lots of wisecracks, LOL
  • Bond’s body again. Did I mention that the villain couldn’t keep his hands to himself?

Photo courtesy Google Images

Humour · Language


by Akumbu Uche


Episode 1: Customer Care


(At K’s Shawarma, Uyo)


Me: Please, I’d like to buy a shawarma.

Sales Rep: How many?



(At Crunchies, Uyo)


Me: Am I going to get cutlery with that?

Sales Rep: We don’t have cutlery but we can give you spoon.



(At Woolworths-ShopRite, Enugu)


Me: Do you have sports bras?

Sales Rep: What we have is swimming bra.

Humour · News


It is hardly news that Nigeria started the New Year with Fuel Subsidy Removal (FSR). Since January 2, 2012, the cost of 1 litre of petrol has soared from 65 naira to 150 naira.

This has prompted many to abandon their Mercedes Benzes in favour of their Leggedes Benzes and rusty old bicycles.

(c) Ojiugo Uche

According to an undisclosed and unofficial source, this is hardly an inconvenience but one of the many benefits of FSR in that it will enable Nigerians lose those excess kilos gained from too much chicken and sodas during the Christmas holidays.

Not your idea of effective reduction? You could always take to the streets to march and wave placards. Depending on your level of fitness, you could also engage some black boots belters in martial combat.

After all, we all know that those trendy Occupy Protests are just slang for outdoor group aerobics.